.:*It's Not the Side Effects of the Cocaine*:.

6:27PM - It's not the side effects of the cocaine...

I am thinking it must be love......DUN DUN DUN

Well, got back from Vermont, thankyou to those of you who sang me happy birthday! And to the others who left me txts and messages. My phone does not get signal in the mountains, thus why you were all assaulted by a mad man =p. My family seems to be centered around drugs. Thanksgiving day we talked about pain killers and weed, and after dinner we played pictionary and one of the words for all play was "dime" and I guess actual meaning for that word, a dime, as in 10cents, didn't dawn on me, jecca, or jeff, because all of us ended up with the same drawing. I'll give you one guess as to what it was. Oh and my dad won, when I drew it =p. Then there was the word crank, another all play, and jeff drew a car and stuff and my dad did too, but I had no idea what he was drawing so I didn't get it, but he got all pissed and said "shoulda drawn someone doing lines." and I gave him a look but yeaaaaa. Then that night I got horribly sick, and went out to sit on the couch so I'd be near the bathroom, and my uncle bob was out there and he is a doctor...an anesthesiologist...which is so spelled wrong but, they specialize in drugs basically, knock out ones to be exact =p. And when he asked what was wrong I told him i was really dizzy and nauseous and he said "this is why they should legalize pot pills" which I found funny. Then on Friday, my uncle bob, aunt judy, aunt susan, jeff, jecca, ian, and I were all sitting around reading and somehow we got on the topic of this one book, which my friend elise has, about this druggie dude, and i was all excited cause he had sprinkles on his hand and i knew what my aunt was talking about, but that got us on the topic of heroine and all the other drugs out there which got us on the topic of me and my cousins having smoked pot..and that went downhill because after we had a talk about that my aunt was all well never do heroine ever please...and my uncle got all defensive and said its not a bad drug and he thinks nicotine is far worse...and gah we got in a yelling match of why heroine is worse and well he is stuck in his ways and thinks of heroine as a pain killer if used correctly and nicotine as a killer, while we were arguing that socially heroine is a worse drug than nicotine and on and on...Then on the way to flat bred, *best pizza ever* It was me, aunt judy, uncle bob, and jecca in a car and we got on the topic of Ian knowing about jecca and jeff smoking daily before school...and how we were worried about him because he is just like me. But yea, all our family discussions are about drugs or alcohol... Not to mention my Aunt Sue got drunk every night and ranted on and on about uncle david. Ha which brings me to another thing. So we are at dinner at the flat bread restaurant, and she tells this story about david that goes like this:

When your moms and I were kids, and david was a teen, our mother, your grandma Pat, bless her heart, decided we should have a family garden and that we all had to participate in planting something. Well, Nanny planted roses, Jude there planted daisies, I planted violets, and David claimed to be planting marigolds. Well soon your mother, nicole, who was always the gardener of us, realized that david's half of the garden, was not blooming marigolds, she also realized what it was growing, was marijuana, rows and rows of marijuana. Well, your mother being the tattle she was decided to tell grandma, but she said "david wouldn't do such a thing, they are marigolds." and punished Nanny for mentioning it. Lo and behold these marigolds didnt stop at a reasonable height, they got to be five and six feet tall, and only then did grandma decide to listen to all of us, so she told your mom to rip them out of the garden, which she did but she then threw them on the old chevy, in the sun. Well, david came home from a week with his friends, to find the marijuana, nice and dried out, on top of the chevy, and proceeded to package and sell it. And boy oh boy did mother have a fit, and me, I just threw a trowel at the back of his head and split it open :).

HA and people wonder where i get my violent streak from >_<

Then she told us that when David would come in the house stoned my grandma would say "Oh poor dear, you must be having horrible allergies, here I have something just for these kind of things"

I guess she was kinda oblivious..well really oblivious


well must go eat...more later maybe...

Current mood: crazy

Current music: station to station

(1 thought Say What?)

10:37AM

mmm It all started with a Lacey calling at exactly 12am...to say HAPPPPY BIRTHDAY and then came the torrent of texts at varying times...and then the calls...needless to say I did not sleep much last night >_<. But it was fun. Today should start my procession of good days for the next week or so. I have a new friend, she/he/it is gonna be following me around for like a week now because I don't want him/her/it to die so he/she/it sits with me in the car, least its pretty ^_^. Yeah so I'm driving to vermont today, heh my cousins, jeff and jecca wanted to have me, her and him stay and leave tomorrow together but my aunt was like no..heh for funny reasons. She was like you three in a house left alone...never "Drugs!" lol and jecca gets this shitfaced grin and is like "I dont do drugs..." And i go "Jecca, see you aren't supposed to grin like you have some huge secret when you say that" but yeahhhh think i must pack now so byes

Current mood: awake

(1 thought Say What?)

10:03PM

<(^_^<)<(^_^)>(>^_^)>

(^-^)(O.O)

i'm hyper...and happy and gah i think im going to die of excitement...oh oh and my momma got me ddr...*dances* lol i mean its not like ive been asking for it for 3 years or anything...=p yeah and my grandma sent a card and was all "omg you are finally sixteen you are a grown up, you are so beautiful it has amazed me to watch you of all my grandchildren grow into such a beauty. *coughed and laughed at this point* I can't wait to see you in April *florida visit for spring break* and i just cant believe you are finally sixteen!" so after all the hype what does she do...gives me a check for 20 bucks..i mean I'm not taking it for granted but I know if her other grandchild, stephanie was turning 16 the kid would get a fucking car...oh well

Current mood: jubilant

(7 thoughts Say What?)

11:21PM

eeeeeep i'm so excited I am going to burst! it shall be a fun next two weeks! >_< i get my birthday, vermont, pho, flatbread, thanksgiving, NYC, burlington, essex....then then shane's! :)

Current mood: excited

( Say What?)

2:36PM

I'm going crazy...tis the blunt truth of it. So crazy that I was reduced to a crying, huddled, ball on the floor of my bathroom this morning that then jumped up and dry heaved for nearly 15 minutes into the trashcan. Then yelled at myself silently...oxymoron, I believe so, to get a grip on myself..but see, most people have a good voice in the back of their head, a golly gee whiz aren't you summin special jimminy cricket kinda voice, but i am cursed with some demonic fuck making my brain cells do rampaging dances of paranoia around my head. And it's not a nice voice...it is evil, I tell you EVIL! it says horrible things, that I know aren't true, but that other voice the one that's like "but what if..." teams up with the bad voice until im a shaking mess on the ground! Tis not pretty...so those of you who said I looked like shit today, you are right! And then, my mother! She can't just be happy and oh yes you get to go to florida, she has to warn me of every possible horrendous outcome...which my brain went PFFT that would not happen nor would I let it happen, to at first. But it seems that at 3 in the morning the better thinking part of my brain dies and just can't take holding back zee demon of my soul! *evil cackle in head* hmph, I guess though, if anything did happen, they should study my brain for it's majorly awesome psychic abilities =p...the problem is that your anxiety and fear can poison such things and make you see ghosts at every turn...When you spend all your time worrying that the devil is right behind you, eventually you start seeing him whether he is there or not...then again pessism will keep you alive, optimism won't. But here I go again with my crazy notions...I shall be adventurous! I WILL OVERCOME MY CRAZY THOUGHTS AND JUST GO! but if i crumble when I do...please help T_T i promise i'll be better within 30 minutes... lol

Current mood: morose

( Say What?)

7:25PM

Feel the fire, feel my love inside you it's so right
There's the sound and the smell of love in my mind
I'm a toy, come and play with me, say the word now
Wrap your legs around mine and ride me tonight

I'm a man - I'm a goddess
I'm a man - Well I'm a virgin
I'm a man - I'm a blue movie
I'm a man - I'm a bitch
I'm a man - I'm a geisha
I'm a man - I'm a little girl
And we make love together

Slip and slide in your wet delight, feel the blood flow
Not too fast, don't be slow, my love's in your hands

I'm a man - I'm a boy
I'm a man - Well I'm your mother
I'm a man - I'm a one night stand
I'm a man - Am I bi
I'm a man - I'm a slave
I'm a man - I'm a little girl
And we make love together

Skin to skin, tongue to oooh! Come on honey hold tight
Come inside, it's a passion play just for you
Let's get lost in that magic place all alone now
Drink your fill from my fountain of love, wet your lips

I'm a man - I'm a teaser
I'm a man - Well I'm a virgin
I'm a man - I'm a one night stand
I'm a man - I'm a drug
I'm a man - Well I'm your slave
I'm a man - I'm a dream divine
And we make love together

I'm a man - I'm a goddess
I'm a man - I'm a hooker
I'm a man - I'm a blue movie
I'm a man - I'm a slut
I'm a man - I'm a geisha
I'm a man - I'm babe
I'm a man - I'm a dream divine
And we make love together
And we'll make love forever

Current mood: bouncy

Current music: Sex

(7 thoughts Say What?)

7:16PM - sometimes the mildest voice can hold the biggest threats

Well.....seems to me I will be going to Florida ^_^ the week after Thanksgiving. It should be an interesting trip, I've never been to Florida..Everything will be new. And yeah, I am excited though...If almost hugging a sister you can't remember hugging since her birth is any sign of happiness then yeah im happy. Other than that dunno...

Current mood: silly

Current music: Berlin: The Metro

( Say What?)

1:36AM

silvertrigger626: we, must have sex !
silvertrigger626: you know why !
RavenEyed666: ?
silvertrigger626: because this would be our 9 month anniverseryesq
RavenEyed666: heh
RavenEyed666: tomorrow =p
RavenEyed666: today is 13th!
silvertrigger626: tomorrow we have sex, or tomorrow is the day ?
RavenEyed666: tis the day
silvertrigger626: meh, I was close wasn't I ?
RavenEyed666: lol
RavenEyed666: yeah
RavenEyed666: you were

Current mood: amused

( Say What?)

7:00PM - say what!???

She is trapped in sorrow and the bearer of undying lust. Her heart aches with love and things her ruby lips refuse to whisper, but her body betrays her occult knowledge. Her every movement is lithe, her muscles ripple and her curves sway. She is the embodiment of dark beauty and she exudes a sexual presence unlike any others. She wraps herself in velvet and lace, a bodice of rubies and gold, midnight black leather bands to encase a firm abdomen, black velvet skirt slit to the hips, and tightly tied boots to give her lift. Her body is shrouded in shadows that follow as she walks, her hair seems to spin within them, blending raven like as the locks fly with the wind. Her eyes smolder like burning coals,a hint of red glinting with every glare. Her skin is pale as frozen death and her heart stilled within her chest. Somehow though she still finds the ability to love, but the other side of her hides the reason for her love. She loves to kill, in the most literal sense. She wants to feel the coppery liquid of her lovers' hearts sliding along her tongue. Her nails yearn to lengthen into miniature daggers, to slash open the chest of those she rides. Her fingers long to feel the sharp edges of cracked bones, breaking beneath her powerful fists. She wants to rip the skin into so much meat and delve within to find the heart. Her senses soar with the smell of blood, the tangy scent that lingers long after it has been shed. Her eyes glaze over, yellow and red, fangs growing from canines sharper than normal. Her body moves inside her, pressing out, shredding her skin; true form emerging, beast within. She screams a cry to the full moon sky, the blood of her lover drowning her fur, his heart in her claws, now merely food to her. She shreds it to bits, breaking its delicate frame, she loathes their love and loves their pain. She eats the heart, drinking its blood, bringing a beat to her still heart, slowly returning to normal like the start. But too many have broken it, tossed it away, so now she breaks theirs, lets them feel the same. She is Belle Morte, and death is her game.


oh dear I am bored >_< ignore me... :)

so some of the things I was going to fix...were fixed for me. Woo yay I can stay lazy...

field trip tomorrow makes me happy ^_^

<3

(2 thoughts Say What?)

10:42AM - I'm sick you're tired...break to love, make lust, let's dance.

Well, last night was interesting. Something in me broke, I think, and I feel differently about many things. I guess that I had deluded myself into some alternate reality rather than what was really going on, and it all became very, well, real last night. I'm stuck. I don't know how to get out of the place I'm in but I'm pretty sure if I don't, I'm going to end up running out screaming and tearing out my eyes... Let's just say the position I am stuck in, is not where I should be and I should have withdrawn my position from the spot a long, long, time ago. Heh, most likely no one will understand this, but it will become apparent as I make my move from the spot. The one who said I will end up depressed....you were right yesterday and I shoulda listened... But oh well, this situation has one too many bodies involved and I am erasing myself from the picture, and I think, completely. :(

On another note, I am trying to figure out if I should do the same with another group... Whether I can handle removing myself after being pulled back in, is another story, and I think I will be yelled at if I do, or atleast end up crying or some shit like that but ...gah... I am nottt a toy. I refuse to be there just when I am needed.

And another note......as for the whole convincing thing I mentioned, I need to seriously think about that....like hard core yo's =p... it would be nice, very nice, but...well we will see.

I think i am just not going to talk to anyone for a few days...so bye for now guys. :)

Liebe mich,
nikki

Current mood: confused

Current music: *tries to hear player* AP: Monster

(2 thoughts Say What?)

2:11PM - Libido =p

Current mood: cheerful

Current music: liz...

(10 thoughts Say What?)

1:50PM

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

( Say What?)

1:18PM - oh dear...

The past few days have been intriguing to say the least...I'm confused, by a lot of things, and it seems this journal is going to turn into exactly what i don't want it to be >_<, oh well. I'm home alone right now, my parents are off visiting with friends from austin, my sister is god knows where, i could care less. The boy is in Mississippi because his aunt died....Elise is off with Mike...prolly. And I, am here. Joy. Atleast I have Doug! =p, he is amusing me. If only I was old enough to get a job...I shall be in 18 days. 16 oh wow...I will finally be legal =p. *coughs* ummmmm I have to talk with my parents, "convincing" them to let me go somewheres...I have my hopes but they are rather stiff when it comes to things like these. I find it amusing that i can type all of this while watching everything going on outside of my window. I've always liked the fact that I can type...I read 4 books yesterday, that's rather pathetic, I'll probably read 3 by the end of today, but I have nothing else to do T_T. I've given up on Raven on daoc...she is going to stay 4fucking7 forever because I DONT CARE ANYMORE...plus tis lonely on there :-/... oh well...I think I am going to go eat, no no I won't, I don't eat. Eating is bad for your soul! =p. I'm just going to ramble on in this until I have a whole damn novel... I think I shall title it "The Boring Life of The Nicole"...My dad says I am crazy because I refer to myself in third person, I say i'm crazy because I refer to everything in third person...and many many other things. I could go on infinitely about the things that make me crazy, but I don't want to scare people. ELise has witnessed some things, everytime I say something "bad" it happens...or think it. Like we have had accidents and it killed her brothers car....then the accident in front of us after me saying "wow what a perfect day for an accident' *CRASH* "don't ever fucking do that again, I hate it when you do that!" oh well, I cant help it. I am a catacalismic...I can't spell that.

THE LIZ CALLED au revoir.

Current mood: blah

Current music: The music of my everthinking mind

(2 thoughts Say What?)

6:30PM - interesting..... very interesting

First off, this is completely against everything I have ever bitched and moaned about stupid emo kids and their journals and never wanting to make one...So yes, call me a hypocrit I admit it, I am one, BUT I do have a good reason...The Elise...made me...she is a very bad influence on one's such as myself. Unfortunately, I never seem to learn this lesson. Oh well. I just can't handle it when people get all puppy dog like and beg me to do something so that they will not be alone T_T =pp. Only problem, I've never seen Elise make puppy dog eyes, so I really don't know how her asking me to do this got me to do this...But, I figure now that I have, i might as well continue (-_-) and try my best to make it....less whiney and "my day sucked someone please shoot me now"

that is all... :)

Current mood: nauseated

Current music: Atreyu

(6 thoughts Say What?)